Excerpt 4: Fears, our little (or big) monsters

We all have fears. I call them “monsters.” Some are bigger, some are smaller. Some of them we are aware of, while others remain hidden from us.

Because fears of many different kinds are showing up in our game (our life), we have the opportunity to play with them and transform them. I call that process transforming monsters into teddy bears ☺.

Before we can do that, let’s look at how fears are created.

When we turn to quantum physics, we learn that there is one large field of energy in which everything in the universe exists.

All thoughts float around in this energy. They are neutral thoughts, available to everyone.

A part of us picks out certain thoughts. That part of us is not interested in the majority of thoughts — only in a few. The others? It just lets them float by to be seized by someone else.

When we have chosen a specific thought, we claim it. We tell ourselves, consciously or not, “This is mine. This is MY thought.” In other words, we have identified with it. We now possess it.

Next, we put a certain value on that thought (Remember, until the moment we seized it, the thought was neutral). One thought we deem “true” and another “false.” As a consequence, our behavior begins to align with what we have declared true or “right” and desirable. Our behavior also becomes opposed to the thoughts we’ve determined to be “wrong” and despicable.

For example,

“You always need to speak the truth.” If you value this as true:

  • When somebody is lying, you may become very angry.
  • You will probably tell it like it is, regardless of whether this is appropriate in all circumstances. This means you speak the truth even if it is not appropriate to other people, who may feel offended by your speaking your truth. On the other hand, you will probably also get applauded for saying things other people don’t dare to say.

“You must always be on time.” If you value this as true:

  • You will probably always be even a bit too early so you won’t be too late.
  • You may feel disrespected by people who show up late for your birthday party.

The higher we value the thought that we have identified with, the more intense our experience is when it shows up in our lives.

On top of our values is how the element of time affects and reinforces them. When you think a certain thought long enough, it becomes a belief and is often difficult to confront or dislodge.

So we have intensity plus duration. No wonder people are so passionate or stubborn about certain beliefs ☺.

Now, let’s go back to our fears.

I have already explained that we have “antenna” that hone in on negative thoughts and events, and on potential attackers or perceived threats. These antenna are the wicked warriors of the fear-based game doing what they need to do in their outpost. They are/were used for survival. They are looking for ways to defend themselves against attackers. Their focus is on more than just avoiding the negative feelings. They assume they will be attacked anyway, telling themselves, “It’s only a matter of time. Even when something is good now, it surely will be bad in the future.” So they are always on the lookout for negative experiences, even in the good times!

In other words, the wicked warriors are stressed all the time. They constantly fear that they will be attacked.

When we take a deeper look at our fears, we see that fear is always about losing something: losing feeling good, losing being safe, losing being accepted, losing an object, losing our life, losing our health, losing the respect of others, losing our money. Or in other words: we fear that something that we have and value can and will most likely be taken away from us.

Can or do we really possess anything except objects? I don’t think so. You can’t really possess another human being, a situation, or a feeling. You cannot be possessed by them (although it sometimes feels that way ☺). You can be in relationship to them and have emotions about them, but you can’t really possess them.

Objects are something else. We can possess objects and fear losing them. But in reality we don’t fear losing the objects. We fear losing the experiences and feelings we associate with the objects. We fear that we can’t experience them anymore in other ways, or that we have to suffer or sacrifice ourselves again in some way in order to recover or gain the object.

For example, we fear that our car might be stolen. What we actually fear is that we will lose our status symbol (so we lose appreciation). We fear we may lose a means of personal transportation that we can use at any time, so we truly fear losing our independence or freedom. We fear losing a way to make money if we use our car for our work, so we fear our personal as well as our financial survival might be jeopardized if our car is stolen.

Remember that the experience of fear comes from the value we put on the object, person, or situation, as well as our identification with it. Our fears come from our attachment to them; or put differently, we fear that we won’t be attached to them any longer. However, what matters is the experience, not the object. And in fact, there are many ways to have that same kind of experience. However, we don’t see those possibilities because we are so busy being attached to the things and experiences (objects, people, places) we already know and are familiar with ☺.

For example, there are ways to experience appreciation, independence, and freedom other than with our car. But because we are familiar and sometimes even stuck with thinking this way, especially when we are stressed, we are focused only on the car and we don’t see other options.

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